I have so many things in my mind, I don't know where to start...
Today was a shitty day. As usual :/
Okay so, a few days ago Yin ying invited EVERYONE, and by everyone, I meant everyone in 3J, 3I, a few of 3k and 3L, form 4's, form 5's, ex form 5's... mostly everyone I know, to KFC. The one near my house.
I was totally 'YAY!' for the whole day, really excited. Because KFC is tomorrow. Finally. But the others didn't seem like it, and it sort of made me feel like shit but I can't let them see. So I pretended. Again.
I'm getting really sick of pretending to be okay.
Then it became depressing. I asked all six of my friends, the ones that I always stick to la, whether they're going. All I got was 'I dunno' from each and everyone of them. The exact same words. Wth? How long has it been since yin ying AND I last asked if you could go? Like, Tuesday? Plenty of time to ask your parents, k?
*deep breathe*
I figured, no, I KNEW, Ho yan wouldn't go. You know how she is la, very negative one. She usually bails out of hang outs like these, and it annoys me lots. 'Cause if she doesn't go, Sook Cheng won't go, and if Sook Cheng don't go, Rebekah won't go.
Little did I know that Rebecca didn't feel like partying, she said no too.
This is, uhm, not the first time they've bailed on me.
I admit, I'm more of a party girl. I like to go to hang outs like these. But that's just to have fun with everyone! And also a chance to leave the house...
(My mind is so messed up now I really don't what's next...)
Uhm. So I started thinking. If I went to KFC without them, which is not a problem to me 'cause I can have fun without them anyways, and then I have to go straight to Ms. Tan for Maths Tuition at 2.30pm. KFC starts at 11:30. Plenty of time to have fun (:
BUUUTTT!
If I dont go to KFC, then I'll go to Ms. Tan at 12:45pm 'till 2:15pm. Then my mom will have time to go visit my aunt. THEN I won't have to go for BM tuition la :D
Malas, I know. But it's a holiday, right?
'Cause my mom said if I have to go for Maths tuition at 2:30 till 4, she won't have enough time to visit auntie. Then maybe we would go there on Saturday. I freaked, 'cause I was planning on going to Andrea's earlier so we could hang out a while. Miss her so much :')
I tried to discuss with my mom, but she was too busy with her stuff (or maybe too annoyed to talk). She just never listens to what I have to say. And that ruins my mood all the time. I tried another time when she was in the room reading a magazine, she thought I just wanted to go KFC and blahblahblahallthebadstufflaaa. Then I said I'm good with visiting Auntie. She ignored, then said I'm selfish.
Emo moment then. Ran to the room, broke down.
I hate this so much. This emo thing in me. I dont' want to be like this ):
But seriously, I don't know who to talk to. Andrea, I know you're reading this, and I'm not saying that I don't want to talk to you about it, it's just...I don't know how to say it to you. Really, I want to tell everything to you. I just don't know how.
SO after being emo and all, figured I should do something to take my mind off things. I blogged (:
So here I am. Feeling less emo then before, but uncertain if I made the right choice, afraid that I did not and I will regret.
I've been trying to explain this to someone in a less confusing way. This ... thing that happens to me when I expect something to happen by the next day, it doesn't come out as what I'd expected, but the other way round. It's a really bad thing, and it has been a big big problem to me. It makes me feel like, I'm an unlucky person.
It has happened a long time ago, 've been trying to make myself think and expect the worse, so that the good things will happen instead. It sometimes works, but I'm not sure it happens a lot of times...
I think it has something to do with how people think of things.
Well, maybe I've watched to many drama shows. You know how they story plot works, like in the start it's all happy and stuff, but then in that instant, something bad happens, something really bad. It's like all those bad luck that has been sustained by the good luck comes out all at one time. It's like, you were in a dream when the good things happen, when you wake up, that's when the real nightmares come. Reality sucks, right? It makes you suffer.
I don't know if any of that makes sense to you, but I've tried my best to explain what I wanted to say all this while. You know how I confuse people ;) It has always make me look and feel like a fool when their faces go all 'wtf are you talking about?". Then I worry if I say "Nevermind" it will annoy them even more. I know how that annoys me. But I'm just very malas to repeat everything again especially when you still won't understand if I did.
I suck, noh?
Piano theory exams are coming up a couple of weeks later. I am not ready yet. Completely not ready yet.
What do I do?
Thursday, February 25, 2010,2/25/2010 10:55:00 PM |
comment |
0 comment(s)