My life really sucks. And it sucks so, so much to be me.
It's a new year, and I'm writing emo letter. HAHA.
This is SO not a good thing.
I WANT A GOOD YEAR
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I need an exit.
I need an exit that leads me to somewhere ... happy.
At least better than this place.
It is all gloomy here. Fully of hatred, and miserable.
The people here, they are all full of misery and their minds are disturbed. They don't act like they used to be anymore.
They don't understand me now.
I don't even understand them.
What the hell do they want from me, I do not know.
But I desperately need an answer to that question.
I am afraid I might change into something like them sooner or later.
I don't want that, at all. No, no one would want that either.
They take their anger on people without thinking that it might hurt them badly. I don't think they even give a damn about it.
I cry, and they think it's because I don't want to do things they want me to do. Chores. I t is nothing like that at all.
I cry, because I am disappointed in myself, my life, and them. What in the world had made them like this?
Desperation? Lack of love? Misery?
...Money?
I cry again. And they say I am disappointing.
They say I am a piece of useless shit.
They say there is no hope.
They say they hate me.
And there they go again.
Yelling, blaming each other, and arguing about who is right and wrong.
To me, they are all wrong.
Even I might be wrong as well.
But I truly do hope hat all this, will come to an end soon.
They do not know what I am doing when I am in my room, studying, for real. They thought I was using the computer, having lots of fun with it when I wasn't.
They do not understand that I did everything only to make them take their words back, feel impressed and think, maybe they were wrong all the while.
Maybe I am not a piece of shit after all.
I want them to stop thinking of me that way.
Just, stop.
They say I don not understand money.
But I think I do.
Money is very importanat in every man's life. And it, I believe, is placed first in his heart and even mind.
Without money, we cannot possibly comtinue living.
Even if we do, life could be worse.
But now I am not afraid of that.
I am afraid of how my life would play out in the future if all this goes on.
I worry if I'll get sick. Like maybe, depression.
Constantly screaming at myself inside and out, thinking of myself as a piece of shit, like what they'd said, become anti-social. Or even worse, crazy.
I don't want that.
I don't want all this.
I wish I could just run away.
But they still wouldn't listen and understand if I did.
I want a way out.
I need an exit.
Fck my life.
Fck me.
Fck'em all.
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This may sound like some self-sympathy thing. It may be.
But thing is, I act completely different when I'm in school and at home. I believe I've said that before. Nobody has really seen me complaining about life in school, how it sucks to be home with all the yelling and frustration. So, I don't really have anybody to talk about it.
And so, there's when this blog is useful.
As much as I hate self-pity people, I hate to do this to myself too.
Where are you when I need you?
THIS IS SOOOO NOT MY YEAR.
PLEASE.
I BEG OF YOU.