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Is there an 'OFF' button in my brain?
My heart feels heavy. All the sadness is piling up inside of me and I need to get it out. I WANT to get it out.
Sometimes I wish I can just shut my brain off for a while and stop all the nasty thoughts from coming in and corrupting my mind. It's really stupid that I have think twice before I say anything sometimes, and then I would have to debate whether it's okay to tell that person about something. I think I have trust issues -.- and it makes me feel unnatural.
And then I sort of regretted not talking to them about it and I just go and sulk in the corner and sort it out myself, in a really emo way.
I hate being emo, it's so not me.
But I guess everyone will get emo once in a while. So it's normal, right?
I don't tell people about my feelings. I don't tell my mom, my friends, and even my cousin.Sometimes I just write it out on a paper. But paper ain't a living thing, it can't talk. It can't give advices. It can't give me a warm hug when I needed one.
So somehow I just stopped writing. And all my feelings and thoughts are all just kept in my heart.
But yeah I talk a lot when I'm online. So I just talked to my cousin when she reached home today and after like, countless times of trying to get me talk about things, I finally did it(though it wasn't everything). But I didn't do it in person, like face to face. I just couldn't.
I guess you can say I don't open up to people easily. I have to think a lot before I do it. And don't bother asking me why because I don't know answer. It just happens like, BAM.
Truth to be told, I really do mind about what people think about me. Unless I'm having real fun and I just don't feel like giving a damn about it. But yeah, I don't like it when people talk about it me behind my back. You might as well just kiss my ass while you're at it. I get really really pissed and sort of sad when it happens.
But, heh, I don't live to please people right? So I have to stop thinking so much about what people think about me. But how?
Switch my brain off?
That would be easy.
If there really is a switch....
Reality is cruel, no?
P.S: wow. A really emo post. Something I haven't done in quite a while.
P.P.S: I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just blogging about what I'm feeling, since I can't talk to people about it. (See? I'm thinking too much again. GAWD.)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010,9/15/2010 01:19:00 AM |
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Omegle...
is fun and indecent in the same way. It's practically just for lifeless people like me. And it's quite hard to find nice and funny people, while most of the time you see, uh, indecent things that I'm not suppose to see, and sometimes you meet racists, sluts, funny-looking people, and even old people. Like, really, REALLY old.
But yeah, it's fun if you do it with a friend or a cousin :)
Though I wouldn't recommend it to anyone under the age of, say 15?(actually, I should've said above 18) Unless you're really mature, and not dumb. You'll get bullied online if you are :l
Which kinda sucks.
Okayy.
Sorry for all the rambling. I'm just in my typing mood, where I type out everything in my mind. Kind of annoying, I know.
Andrea's HERE!
Yeahh we didn't really go out a lot, just stayed at home and omegle and took pictures and be a lazy bum blahblahblah. At least I am .-.
Wanted to go TimesSquare just to buy this one shirt and eat my favorite Crepe. But we had no transport, as usual. So yeah, mission failed.
And I was suppose to have this BBQ party last Saturday with form 3s but then a lot of people were busy and stuff 'cause it was Raya. So, mission failed again.
I was suppose to study too. But I felt lazy and I didn't want to do that kind of stuff when Andrea is here. I mean, c'mon, we don't get to see each other a lot okay? So. Mission failed.
I tried getting over him. But mission failed yet again.
I feel like a failure. And I feel lifeless.
I still miss him. I want to talk to him. I want to laugh with him. I want to hold him and never let go.
But he's not mine.
So get the fuck off my mind already.
Monday, September 13, 2010,9/13/2010 08:51:00 PM |
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