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Is there an 'OFF' button in my brain?
My heart feels heavy. All the sadness is piling up inside of me and I need to get it out. I WANT to get it out.
Sometimes I wish I can just shut my brain off for a while and stop all the nasty thoughts from coming in and corrupting my mind. It's really stupid that I have think twice before I say anything sometimes, and then I would have to debate whether it's okay to tell that person about something. I think I have trust issues -.- and it makes me feel unnatural.
And then I sort of regretted not talking to them about it and I just go and sulk in the corner and sort it out myself, in a really emo way.
I hate being emo, it's so not me.
But I guess everyone will get emo once in a while. So it's normal, right?
I don't tell people about my feelings. I don't tell my mom, my friends, and even my cousin.Sometimes I just write it out on a paper. But paper ain't a living thing, it can't talk. It can't give advices. It can't give me a warm hug when I needed one.
So somehow I just stopped writing. And all my feelings and thoughts are all just kept in my heart.
But yeah I talk a lot when I'm online. So I just talked to my cousin when she reached home today and after like, countless times of trying to get me talk about things, I finally did it(though it wasn't everything). But I didn't do it in person, like face to face. I just couldn't.
I guess you can say I don't open up to people easily. I have to think a lot before I do it. And don't bother asking me why because I don't know answer. It just happens like, BAM.
Truth to be told, I really do mind about what people think about me. Unless I'm having real fun and I just don't feel like giving a damn about it. But yeah, I don't like it when people talk about it me behind my back. You might as well just kiss my ass while you're at it. I get really really pissed and sort of sad when it happens.
But, heh, I don't live to please people right? So I have to stop thinking so much about what people think about me. But how?
Switch my brain off?
That would be easy.
If there really is a switch....
Reality is cruel, no?
P.S: wow. A really emo post. Something I haven't done in quite a while.
P.P.S: I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just blogging about what I'm feeling, since I can't talk to people about it. (See? I'm thinking too much again. GAWD.)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010,9/15/2010 01:19:00 AM |
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